In the light of day, resveratrol is not cutting it!

Vacation! There is a little dread in that word when there is a beach involved and you've passed the age when parts stay north where they belong... as opposed to drooping south! There is a reason for the juicing madness I'm partaking in! And this is it:

Do you see that beach? That clear water? On the one hand, oh.my.god. I cant wait. On the other hand what the hell happened to my body? Bikini? And holy whiteness batman, I need a tan before the natives kick me off the island for all the sun glare I'll create!

Then there's the bathing suit shopping! I don't know what sick man in hell invented fluorescent lights in changing rooms but he needs to be shot! And it must be a man... a divorced scorned man who likes to hear women cry! Don't they know they need to dim the lights to the level of a club at night, circa 1985 Studio 54 lighting? 'Cause that's probably the last year my body really should have been in a bikini in the light of day!

So here is my question of the day: doesn't wine count as juice? Aren't there stories about resveratrol and its anti-aging capabilities? I've sucked down the entirety of Napa Valley... resveratrol is NOT working! The body is still heading south before I get there!